Over the past decade, surrogacy has become extremely popular for couples and singles who have had difficulty or are unable to get pregnant on their own.
While surrogacy can be a life-changing option for many, what happens when something goes wrong and there is an unfixable mixup?
A couple ignited a surrogacy debate after sharing their story on Reddit. According to the post, a mixup happened and after the man saw the baby, he refused to acknowledge the baby as his child. He told the surrogate mother that he was not the baby’s father and would not take the baby.
The anonymous poster said in the Reddit post that he and his wife struggled to conceive a child, so they turned opted for surrogacy.
“We paid lots of money to a surrogacy [agency] in order to have our own child together,” the post reads. “The surrogate was a nice lady who took care of her body and we got along very well,” he added.
The surrogate’s pregnancy had gone well and the couple was “so excited,” on the day of the birth.
However, the excitement was turned into disappointment after he saw the newborn baby.
“Once I saw the baby I knew that there was something wrong,” the man explained in the post. He said that the baby, “had Asian features, black hair, and brown eyes.” Which was confusing because the poster and his wife are “white blonde folks with blue eyes.”
The couple immediately requested a DNA test to get some light on the situation. After seeing the results of the DNA test the man knew he was right that he is not the father.
The couple turned to the surrogacy agency for some answers and discovered that there had been a tragic mixup. The sperm used to fertilize the egg was not his. This is extremely rare, but it happened in their case.
The surrogacy agency and the sperm bank offered the couple money for their silence and to prevent any legal recourse.
“We don’t care about race, we are just upset that the baby wasn’t both of us, if he was white and not mine we still would have been just as upset,” he explained in Reddit. “The surrogate was really heartbroken as well after we revealed what happened but can’t afford to keep it as she already has five kids.”
The reason he posted to Reddit was to ask if he was wrong for not keeping the baby after the surrogacy mixup. And further, is it wrong to take legal action.
Redditors on that post thought the baby needed a loving home, regardless.
“I’m in tears reading this, it has ruined my day,” one person commented. “I know it’s a big ask but can you really not find it in your heart to love this child? He has still been blessed to you and your wife and needs to be loved just like any other baby.”
“Baby is biologically related to OP’s wife,” a person noted. “If he’s using biology to justify why they are morally allowed to abandon the baby, the wife would immorally be abandoning her child, even if he doesn’t consider it his own. If she’s ok with giving up a child she’s been wanting to have, she’d be a huge [expletive]. He’d also be the [expletive] for not accepting that his wife’s child is also his child, even if they’re not related by blood.”
“Sounds like OP hasn’t really considered his wife’s feelings or opinion … because you’re right, that child is HERS,” another user agreed. “If the baby had been born obviously white, OP probably wouldn’t have ever questioned paternity. OP, sorry you’re not the bio dad but you’re asking your wife to give up her longed-for baby?!”
Some people were on the poster’s side and understood where he was coming from.
“It’s really sad I agree with you,” one user agreed, “and for the poor baby who nobody wants him and he just came into the world… not the parent’s fault tho … “
“But it’s not the child they wanted to have,” someone else added. “They specifically went with surrogacy to get a child that was biologically theirs. That is the entire point of surrogacy. Whether that’s morally right or not is another question, and a difficult one. But it seems pretty clear to me that neither got what they wanted.”
With the most direct response ever, someone commented, “Lol no way man. That kids gotta go and the company needs suing out of business.”
The anonymous man posted an update saying that he and his wife had put the baby up for adoption. They are currently weighing their options about a potential lawsuit.